Since I’ve been complimented on it, I thought I’d share some dining etiquette tips.
(This is all a mix of me being forced to attend family dinners in France, two years of living in Eastern Asia, and Google.)
SITTING YOUR ASS DOWN
If your date pulls out your chair for you, sit down and scoot the chair yourself (the guy isn’t supposed to push it, just keep his hand on the back of the chair). I usually leave about 5 inches between the table and myself and about 3 inches between myself and the back of the chair.
While sitting, keep your back straight and your chin up, and don’t lean on the back of the chair. Your knees should be touching (especially if you are wearing a dress/skirt, which you should definitely smooth before sitting down) and you can cross your legs at the ankles or place your feet together a bit to the back and to one side. If you didn’t know there was protocol for your feet, welcome to Europe.
Elbows should be off the table when there’s food on it, but you can put them there before and after the meal. Put your hands on your lap. Or use them to get your point across in a conversation (but keep it ladylike).
- Leaving the Table
If you need to leave the table, fold the napkin loosely, put it to the left side your plate and say “excuse me”. This is a given if you are only with your date, but it’s also polite to say when there’s more people on the table.
When there are more people at the table and one of them leaves/arrives, it’s polite to stand up as well as a sign of respect. (I would only do this if other people on the table do too, because it’s somewhat of an old tradition and it would be hella awkward to be the only one standing up.)
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WHAT’S YOURS AND HOW YOU SHOULD USE IT
- General Notes
Use the cutlery from the outside in.
*Salad fork/knife: salad should be served right before dessert, if that’s not the case (ie. most of the time in the US), ignore my diagram and just use whatever fork/knife is up.
Once you pick up a utensil, don’t put it back on the table (not even the handles). Personally, I would rest my fork with the prongs facing down, but that’s up to you, really.
If you drop a fork or something, do not pick it up. Ask the waiter/waitress for a new one. Also, avoid droping your cutlery, girl.
- Soups
Use the spoon further away from the plate. Drink it from the side of the spoon, not the tip (this is tricky so maybe practice at home). You can tilt the bowl or plate away from you to get the last spoonfuls. And for the love of God, do not slurp.
- Cutting Shit Up
Hold your knife on your right and your fork on your left (prongs facing down). Put your index finger along the back of the utensil. Cut one bite-sized piece at the time and use the fork to put it in your mouth. Remember, food to your mouth. Never move your mouth towards the food.
Americans do an extra step here! After they cut one bite of food, they rest the knife (I’d say blade at 11 o’clock and handle at 3 o’clock, if you imagine your plate to be a clock), switch the fork to the right hand (prongs facing up, holding it sort of like a pencil) and then eat the bite of food. This is completely unnecessary and, to us Europeans, it looks ridiculous. It actually used to be an old European tradition, but if we moved on, I’m sure you can too.
When eating steak, don’t bathe your meat in sauce, pour some next to it and dip the meat one bite at the time.
If you end up with a fish spine or tiny bone in your mouth, remove it with your hands discreetly and place it aside.
Oh, and pizza? You are supposed to eat that with fork and knife as well. Also, learn how to peel shrimp with a fork and knife. You will look hella classy.
- Bread
Your bread plate is on your left, along with a butter knife. Tear up a small piece of bread with your hands and butter it with the knife. Fight the impulse to use bread to push your food on your fork. And I would suggest not munching on your bread before your food arrives, but that’s just how my family rolls.
In case you need to butter a whole piece of bread (ie. toast or muffin), do it against the plate, not holding the bread in the air. Why? I don’t know, table etiquette is weird.
Also, if someone offers you a sample of their food, pass them your bread plate so they can put it there. Bread plates are also used to put the inedible stuff (ie. olive pits, fish spines).
- Spaghetti
I don’t know what on Earth would make you order spaguetti in a formal setting, but if you insist… Twirl up some pasta with your fork and, if it is provided, use a spoon to cut it. Or you can man up and do it the Italian way, using a fork to twirl the pasta and gently using the plate to cut it.
- Glasses
Always use the ones on your right side. Glasses are supposed to be picked up BY THE STEM, so you don’t smudge the bowl and to avoid heating up your wine. Don’t lift your glass when it’s being refilled. And when toasting, look people in the eye and drink before you put down your glass. If people are toasting to you, don’t drink, just smile, look grateful and say “thank you”.
(Random note: don’t sniff the cork of your wine bottle. You may inspect it to check the integrity, buf sniffing it makes you look like a douchebag.)
- The Napkin
The napkin should go on your lap. Do not tuck it into anything! And use it in a dabbing motion, not in a wiping motion.
- Passing Stuff Around
Never reach across the table! Ask for someone to pass it to you. Also, don’t intercept food, ask the recieving end to pass it back to you when they are done.
And his is kind of ridiculous but you are supposed to pass the salt and pepper TOGETHER. Also, taste your food before you add any more seasoning, it’s quite rude to assume it’s not properly seasoned.
- Fingers
Canapés and hors d’oeuvres can be picked with your fingers when served with cocktails. When you are in a table, try to use your utensils (unless is a cracker or toast, of course).
Toasts for caviar are also picked up with your fingers. Scoop some caviar with the provided special spoon and put it on your toast. Put the toast in your mouth. Remember, tiny amouts of caviar at the time! That stuff is intense!
Olives can be picked up with your fingers, but I would still suggest you use a fork. If there’s a pit, remove it with your fingers (discreetly) and place it on your bread plate.
When in doubt, always use your utensils.
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EXTRA: ASIAN EDITION
- In General
Do not stab you food, please. Gesturing with your chopsticks is rude too. Never, ever, place your chopstiks upright on your rice. That’s BAD.
If there’s a chopstick rest, use it. If there’s not, put them on top of your plate/bowl, together and parallel to the table (chopticks should never be crossed).
Also, don’t pass food from chopstick to chopstick. If you want to share food, place it on the other person’s plate.
And this is silly, but don’t rub wooden chopsticks together after you break them apart. It looks tacky, because splinters only happen when the chopsticks are cheap.
- For Sushi
Eat your food in one go!
Pour soy sauce and mix a bit of wasabi into it. Don’t over do it with the sauce, you should dip your food, not soak it. Dip the nigiri fish side down. Technically, you are only supposed to add wasabi to your soy sauce if you are eating sashimi, but I honestly don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Also, the pickled ginger is a palate clenser, don’t put it on your sushi.
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Now, go and dine with class.
You’re welcome.
